Birthday stories

It's a special day in the fall of 2006, the first anniversary of the birth of my first child. There are no lights on in the large, colorful room where the baby and I sit cross-legged on the floor, but the afternoon sun is streaming in through the windows. Sitting in a great circle around us are two dozen friends--children, youth, and adults. Before us is a small blue chalice and a tiny, flickering flame. We wait for the sign. Then, the room begins to sing. Their song dances around in the air, and the baby is mesmerized. Voices high and low lift and waver, whisper and shout. The singing stops, and the silence gathers. Then, one by one, those in the circle make offerings to the baby, raising hands to share in turn wishes, compliments, and memories. The wishes are sweet and simple as well as humorous and elaborate, offered by 5 year olds and 15 year olds and 58 year olds. The compliments go to the core of who they understand this child to be. And the memories are of moments of shared joy and love. When the flow of words stops, everyone in the room takes a last look around at the other faces, I thank them, and we rise and scatter to play and enjoy a treat together.

A Few Thoughts:


There have been many studies over the past ten or so years--psychological, neurobiological, sociological, anthropological--showing how powerfully narratives affect the human experience. It's no exaggeration to say that the human brain is hard-wired to use stories as the primary means of engagement with the world.

As homeschooling parents, we can use this information in many ways, but one of them is to offer stories that reinforce the very best ideas about who we are as individuals, as a family, and as a faith people, shaping our children's experience of the world ever toward resilience, perseverance, courage, compassion, love, and justice.

And a great time to get deep in this practice is birthdays. You likely already have a set of birthday rituals in your family, maybe making a special meal and a cake, hanging a banner, giving gifts, and the like. But perhaps there is room for one more, one that grounds the day in faith and empowerment.

Many families begin the birthday with a shared reading of a book such as On the Day You Were Born (there are two with this title, which both illustrate the same concept, one by Wild and Brooks and one by Frasier) or On the Night You Were Born, These can be followed by telling the stories of a child's arrival into the family.

Even stories of difficult beginnings can be reshaped into stories of strength and courage. My 6 year old was in the NICU, intubated, pumped with hell's own cocktail of drugs, and on a ventilator for the first three weeks of his life. The way we tell the story, his fierce will to be part of life on earth, his inner strength--even as a newborn, and the rich swirl of love of family and friends helped him to thrive under compromised conditions. This is reinforced with rituals like the one described in the story above, and by explicit meaning-making: "We are a people who believe love will save the world. That's your tribe. Today, we celebrate the warrior of love that is you."

One family I know planted a tree a few days after their child was born. Every year, on the child's birthday, they tell the story of the previous year from the tree's perspective, which strikes me a lovely way to reinforce the 7th Principle--honoring the interconnected web of all existence--and the 6th Source--earth-based spiritual traditions. I think this could be started at any time, not just at the time of a baby's birth. And if you're a renter or otherwise aren't able to plant a tree on your own property, you could work with your city or a local tree-planing organization to see about being able to "claim" a newly planted tree in an area you frequent.

 Image courtesy of the University of Houston Digital Library.

One More Thing:

If your child had a child dedication ceremony at church as an infant, that can be part of the story you tell. "You have me, you have Aunt Sally, you have your siblings, and you have a whole church full of people walking with you every day of your life. You walk in love, always." That can be a powerful affirmation. Child dedication ceremonies are done at all different ages, not just for babies.

And a Blessing Before You Go:

May you weave your own stories of love, truth, and justice, and may you tell them--to yourself and others--well and often!